and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
