need another drink. this is the easiest way
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
