I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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