Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
