so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
