im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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