Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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