I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
