Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize