eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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