Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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