well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
