Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
