i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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