I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
