I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
