Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
