He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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