she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
