I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
