I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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