I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
