she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
