Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
