you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
