Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
