I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
