you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
