i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm bleeding and have questions
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
