i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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