oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
