I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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