i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
