Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
