Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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