I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
