I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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