Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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