we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
