I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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