I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
