It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
