I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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