Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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