Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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