I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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