Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
this will be a night to untag.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
