I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
