I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
