my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
