It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
