officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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