Rock
Scissors
Fuck
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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