omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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