I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
