I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
