Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
