so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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