Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
