True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
