I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
