I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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