Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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