yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
