My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
