dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We got so high we made milksteak
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
