Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
