i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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