it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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