Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
